How I spent my summer vacation
spoiler: I caught COVID-19
In my last post, I mentioned I was going to read in the 45 Reading Series in Chicago. I really wanted to…but as the date drew near and the COVID-19 pandemic worsened, it seemed more and more like a bad idea to be in a group with a bunch of people, even if they were awesome poetry people. So I withdrew, and the event ended up cancelled because a number of people felt the same way, including the organizers. I hope that event will happen again in some form, and I’ll keep you posted.
Since then…I’ve done a lot of nothing.
Which is to say, I got really, really sick.
I caught COVID-19 in late April. We were social distancing, and I was the only one venturing out to run errands. I most likely caught it in a grocery store, but who knows. What I do know is that one day I realized I was getting winded going up the stairs, and pretty soon, talking was hard to manage due to breathlessness. Then I was at the doctor, learning I had full blown pneumonia and was very sick indeed. After that, it’s a blur — weekly and sometimes daily doctor visits. I needed help walking into the building. I had to be wheeled out after one appointment. All of it was bizarre to me because no matter how sick I got, I somehow couldn’t wrap my mind around it because it seemed so sudden and severe. I had a profound sense of unreality about the whole thing, which I suppose helped in a way because I couldn’t comprehend it well enough to be really scared, even as others around me were. Some of this was probably due to the weird neurological effects of COVID.
After I was past the worst of it, I still had lingering symptoms. Turns out, I was one of those lucky “long haulers” for COVID. For about two and a half months, I continued to be debilitated, spending most of my time on a couch. In between the fatigue and joint pain, I would have bouts of feeling fine, and would become convinced I was ok and it was over. But then the pain would resume, somehow all the worse for having had a reprieve. I had difficulty finding certain words when I was talking, although not when I wrote them down, which was strange. I can’t pretend to know what it’s like to have constant pain, but I have a better appreciation now for what sufferers must go through. It made me feel hopeless and irritable.
Finally, my doctor tried a series of steroid treatments, and by the third round, I find myself mostly free of symptoms (I still get some joint pain at night when I go to bed). Now, I have to try and build up my strength again. I am lifting weights, and walking on a treadmill. If I try running, I find myself having to sit on the floor to catch my breath and still my heart. It’s humbling, to say the least. Before this, I was no athlete, but I lifted three times a week. I was in pretty good shape for my age, which oddly enough, seems to be typical of the long haul Covid patients. I can usually find my words when speaking, unless I’m very tired, so I’m relieved to see that has lessened.
I haven’t had a lot of energy to be creative, or to even think about being creative. But now that I’m doing a little better, and now that I have caught up on all the things I should have been doing this summer while I convalesced, I’m trying to think about what I want to do, and what I have to say. I’m thinking a lot about what place writing has in my life, and what my priorities are going forward. I’ve especially been thinking about where I put my time and energy.
I hope you are all well and taking care of yourself as best you can. It’s a frightening illness, and I was lucky to have family and friends take care of me and mine during this time. i hope you have similar strengths in your life.